I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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