I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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