too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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