I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
