I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
