His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Vodka?
Forever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
