i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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