Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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