just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
