Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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