found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
