Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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