I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
