One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
