Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
