Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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