I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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