either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
