I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
