Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
