I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
