I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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