Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
