I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize