his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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