you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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