I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Please, let me fuck your mom
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
