Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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