My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
