My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
