I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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