My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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