youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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