I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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