I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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