The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize