I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
