Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize