I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
