i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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