I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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