is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
