She said her name was "party"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
