But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
