fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
