i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i dont even know how to be here
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
