He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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