weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
