It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
