Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
