please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize