I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
