ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize