she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
