I could make wine with my vomit
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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