Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
