I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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