My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize