I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
