Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize