at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
