You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
