In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
