i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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