Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
