I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
