I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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