Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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