I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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