I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
