marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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