They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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