I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize