Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
