we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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