A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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