She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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