he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
