who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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