im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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