Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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