It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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