she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
