Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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