Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
this hospital has no fireball
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize