bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
