you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
