Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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