I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
