I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
