is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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