dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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