i barfeds in our rink
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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