Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pants are for mortals
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
