Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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