She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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