He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
