insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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