the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
MIDGETS
????
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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