ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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