She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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